Saturday, January 21, 2012

The unstoppable march to 'normal'

The old normal included date nights, like this
one in Key West a few days before she died
Last night, Justin and Caroline went back to the DC area where they live. This is actually pretty hard for me, really hard for Donna (they've been staying at her house), and as I found out yesterday, also pretty hard for Justin as well. For Donna, their presence has served to keep her occupied and distracted a lot of the time, plus it's been nice for her to have so much time with family after losing yet another member (for those that didn't know, her husband Terry - Aimee's father - died of cancer almost exactly a year before Aimee's accident). For Justin, being here kept at bay the return to 'normal' life for him.

But as I was saying, I'm going to miss them too. Justin, in particular. We've become a lot closer the past month, and we relate to each other in a lot of similar ways. But this is about more than that. It's the unstoppable march towards 'normal'. Not the normal I've known for the past several years. And certainly not the normal I'd like. But the NEW normal, the one without Aimee in it.

At least this march has been slow, staged. First, we came back from Florida. But it was the holidays, people were on vacation, and lots of people came and went from the house. Not much like normal at all. Plus, Justin and Caroline had come back with us to Washington instead of going home.

Then I went back to work, just part time at first. Rowan was in school again, but still just her normal hours with an extra day added on.

The next week, Rowan was in school full time, and I was back to work mostly full time.

Now Justin and Caroline are gone, and I've hired a sitter/nanny to help me with Rowan from when she gets out of school until I got home from work. In other words, the new normal is here now.

This is tough, because I don't WANT this new normal. Dammit, I want to old normal back. I know I can't have it, but that's what I want. And in lieu of that, I'd like Justin and Caroline to stay around just a bit longer, just because it's nice having them here. It's totally selfish, yes. I mean, they do have their own lives they have to get back to, their own 'new normal' to find. And it's not healthy for me or for Rowan to continue avoiding ours. But just like no one looks forward to pulling off the band-aid that's stuck to a wound, it still has to be done.

Like it or not, the new normal has arrived.

1 comment:

  1. My heart aches for you! KNOW that you are thought of every day in our home!