|Aimee and Rowan right after Rowan was|
born. I'm pretty certain Aimee would
object to this picture being posted for the
world to see.
We celebrated a total of four Mothers Days together, all of them good. Of course, like any husband trying to be a good one, I worked to celebrate Aimee as a mother and wife every day (I'm sure I fell short many, many days). But Aimee never fell short as a mom. Every time I see photos of Aimee and Rowan together, I am reminded of how much they each loved the other, and how Aimee never had an 'off' day as a mom (though I'm certain she felt otherwise). I feel constant sadness for Rowan's loss, and Mothers Day kind of emphasizes that to me. I have little doubt that as Rowan gets older, this holiday will get much harder for her as well, emphasizing for her that she doesn't have her mother.
And for me, in the long term, that will probably be the pain that'll be hardest to get past - Rowan's loss in all of this. The loss of a mother is so huge, especially at so young an age, but even for those who are older it can be a profoundly devastating experience. Take, for example, my friend Mollie, who lost her mother to cancer when she was 16. She says she felt so alone: "...granted I had my family, my father, sister and brother, but there is nothing that can ever really truly fill that void of not having a mom anymore." Wow.
And with Rowan being so young, I can't begin to imagine all the ways this will be thrown at her: mother-daughter teas, going to friends' houses for sleepovers where the mom of the house decorates or makes cookies or some such other cool mommy thing, shopping for clothes/prom dresses/jewelry, learning how to put make-up on (I dread that day!), and so on. My point is, she's so young and there is still so much she could have learned from her mother. Aimee was such a great teacher, and an incredible role model. So many of you who knew her have pointed what an amazing person Aimee was. We wanted Rowan to be like that also. Like I've said many times - I'll do the best I can, but I can never be her mommy.
(Read Mollie's blog post about her loss. It's very sweet and very poignant.