Wednesday, May 23, 2012

At least I have no regrets

I don't think I have to start this post by saying that losing Aimee has been the most terrible thing I've ever gone through. If you've been following this blog, I think you get that by now. (If you haven't been and you just stumbled on this post, then may I suggest you start by reading this post first.)

No, this post is not about that. This post is about regrets. Or in this case, how at least I don't have any in regards to Aimee. I know many times when we lose someone close there may have been unresolved conflicts or harsh words we wish we could have back. Maybe the regret is simply that we feel like we didn't express our love enough, or show our appreciation enough, or value them as much as we should have when they were here.
Aimee and I celebrating our first
anniversary a month early in
Victoria, BC. We jokingly told
people we celebrated early because
we weren't sure we'd actually make
it to a whole year.

I am extremely blessed to be able to say that I do not have any of those regrets.

I told Aimee OFTEN how much I loved her. I told her that she was an incredible wife and mother, and that I'd won the marriage lottery when I married her. I explained to her on at least a weekly basis that she fulfilled all my needs and wants and that I'd walk to the ends of the earth for her because of it. And she knew damn well that I meant it. I bought her flowers (on days other than her birthday or Valentine's Day), took her out on dates, and left notes in her car while she was at work or in her purse to find later. I tried hard to be romantic, because I wanted to make her as happy as she made me.

Why did I do all of this? Because she WAS amazing, and because she SHOWED ME by her example how to be a great spouse. In other words, she modeled the type of relationship she wanted, and I was lucky enough to get the hint.

The point of this post isn't to brag about how great at being married we were (though we WERE). The point is to say that when Aimee died, at least I wasn't forced to say "I wish I'd..."
  • been more loving,
  • appreciated her more,
  • told her I loved her,
  • been nicer to her,
  • helped her more around the house,
  • kissed her goodbye.
Two days before her accident, she and Donna left the vacation house to go to the store. She started to leave without giving me a kiss, but I caught up with her right outside the front door and said, "Hey, you aren't leaving without a kiss goodbye, are you?" She smiled and apologized and kissed me. Shortly afterwards, we had the following text message exchange, the last one we'd ever have:

Aimee: "I love you, honey. I am so sorry I forgot to smooch you goodbye. I didn't think you cared but I like it that you do. :)"
Me: ":) I do."

And so one thing I'll always be glad for is that when I saw her that last time at Jacobs Aquatic Center, I kissed her through the chain link fence. It wasn't an easy feat, but I can't tell you how much that would hurt now if I had passed on that last kiss.

No regrets.

I don't want to sound preachy or lecture. I certainly don't want to sound like I'm better than anyone else or that our marriage was all roses and butterflies and everyone else's stinks. That's not at all what I'm trying to say. I am simply trying to encourage everyone who reads this to remember that life is short, and relationships are precious, so value the loved ones in your life, not only in your heart, but with your words and deeds. Love is not just an emotion, but it is also a verb. Love not expressed isn't really much of a love at all.

Don't ever risk being left with regrets.


  1. Not preachy, but wonderful and important testimony Pat....thanks for sharing what you're experiencing and learning.......

    1. You're welcome. Thanks for commenting. :)