"I want a new mommy"

As  is typical on the weekends, Rowan was awake and ready to start the day yesterday (Sunday) before I even wanted to think about opening my eyes. Luckily for me, Rowan has learned that I prefer her to come into my room softly and just climb onto my bed, and sometimes I can actually get her to stay there quietly for, oh, 30 seconds before she starts bugging me to get up.

This time though, she snuggled in to me and lay quietly, smiling at me. The she hit me with a statement out of nowhere:

"I want a new mommy."

While my mind spun for a response, I simply said, "You do?"

She replied, "Yeah, just like my old mommy, but a new one. Will my mommy come back?"

Before I get to my response, which I had ready by the time she said this, I'll say that Rowan actually asked for a new mommy before. She did so back in February, a couple of times, both times at bedtime when I think she missed Aimee a little more than normal. I don't recall what I said back then exactly, but it was to the effect that I understood. But she hadn't done it again since then. And she'd NEVER asked me if/when mommy was coming back.

So when she said "Yeah, just like my old mommy, but a new one. Will my mommy come back?" I answered her:

"Do you really want a new mommy?" She nodded.

"Well, sweetheart, maybe someday we'll have a new mommy here, but if we do, she won't be exactly like your old mommy. She'll be someone different, her own person, and she'll be special and love you very much. I do wish your old mommy could come back to us, but I'm afraid she isn't able to come back. She'll be in heaven forever. Eventually we'll all be there too, and then you'll see her again, and you'll be there with her forever and ever and never be apart from mommy ever again. And she will be SOOOO happy to see you-"

Is one of these clouds Aimee's?

"And I'll be so happy to see her! And I'll jump onto her cloud and give her a BIG hug and say 'MOMMY!'"

"And she'll say "ROWIE!" and give YOU a big hug!"

Rowan settled back in and smiled at the thought of "jumping  onto Aimee's cloud" and exchanging hugs with her mommy. And I was glad to that this particular conversation ended with a happy thought for Rowan to focus on. I felt pretty good about how that all went all day until at bedtime she asked me, "Will it take a long time for me to die?" (I'm pretty sure she meant 'will I live a long time?') She didn't ask the question with any fear in her voice, just curiosity. I told her she'd probably live a long, long life. She smiled and rolled on her side and said "Night Daddy."

Well, THAT'S enough for one day... A new mommy, Aimee's cloud, and Rowan dying. Geez, can't wait for Monday.