Thursday, October 18, 2012

Moving forward, marching on

In one week from today, I will scatter Aimee's ashes, saying a final goodbye to the woman I loved so much, built a life with, and had a child with. I never, ever wanted this to be how our life together ended. I still wish, every single day, that it hadn't.

In pictures like this, you can
see how much Rowan loved
her mommy
But of the many things I learned from Aimee, one of them was to live your life. It would be so easy for me to stay focused on what I've lost, and try and hold on to feelings, scents, objects, and never let go and never move on. But that's not living. In fact, living that way indefinitely would be a kind of living death in its own way.

My goal has been to learn how to live, and to move on, without trying to forget Aimee or do anything to dishonor her memory. It hasn't been easy to move on, because many days I have wanted to just sit at home and stare at photos or videos of Aimee for hours on end. And sometimes, I do in fact indulge that for an hour or two here and there. It feels good to remember how much fun we had and how much love we had for each other. But, to quote someone near and dear to me, "Life should be lived for the living." To me that includes first and foremost Rowan, but also family and friends, as well as new people who come into my life.

So as I look back over the last ten months, and at how these posts that I've written have progressed, I can see that my efforts are paying off. It was extremely difficult at first. In fact, I had to pretend I was getting on with my life, because I didn't feel it at all. But now, I do feel it. Things are different. Not happy-go-lucky all the time or without pain, but that crushing weight of grief is no longer ever-present on my shoulders.

I honestly believe that would make Aimee happy.


  1. You're absolutely right. It would make her happy. It sounds like you have just the perspective you need. It won't make it easy, but it will make it doable.

  2. Pat, You are providing a great service to the community by writing about your grief and how you are dealing with the loss of your wife. You and Rowan are in my thoughts as you approach the anniversary. Thank you for the reminder of how precious life really is.