Rowan is talking to Aimee

Rowan has started to open up more the last few weeks. Lately, it's taken the form of talking to Aimee. But this isn't what you might imagine. She's not staring into the sky at some unseen heaven talking to the stars and not getting an answer.

 

That'd be too simple... for me.

 

This is the photo of Aimee that
Rowan was talking to tonight

No, she's talking to a laminated photo of Aimee she has in her room, and I get the privilege (and discomfort) of carrying on the "Mommy" side of the conversation. Yes, you read that right, I get to be Aimee to Rowan so she can talk to her mommy. Or at least the voice of mommy while she talks to the photo.

 

(People who've been following since the beginning may recall she did this once before, but it was only once or twice. This time we're going on DAYS of this, many times multiple times a day. And most often at bedtime, which makes sense. This is often when I miss her most as well.)

 

Tonight's bedtime was especially poignant. You see, I take this very seriously, even if it is VERY difficult for me to do. The better I am at recalling how Aimee spoke to Rowan and mimicking that, the more emotional it gets for me. But I try to do the best I can because I know Rowan needs this and it helps her. So here is a snippet of tonight's 'conversation with mommy':

 

Rowan, staring at the photo of Aimee I was holding up in front of her face: "Hi Mommy!"

Me, as Aimee: "Hi, Sweety!"
Rowan: "Hey Mommy, guess what? Me and Daddy went to the beach today."
Me: "You did? Did you have fun?"
Rowan: "Yep. And I wore my new sandals and they didn't hurt my feet at all."
Me: "Oh, that's great, honey. (pause) Hey Rowie?"
Rowan: "Yes, Mommy?"
Me: "I'm really proud of you."
 

And this is where I realized that to Rowan, she really WAS talking with Mommy, and I wasn't even in her consciousness. Because her face softened a lot, her voice dropped down, and she sweetly said,

 

"Thank you, Mommy."

 

I leaned the photo in towards her face and made a kissy sound, as if Mommy were kissing her goodnight.

 
Doing this can be hard for me. But in that moment, where Rowan was genuinely touched by what her "Mommy" had said to her, it was all worth it.