The incureable loneliness

When your spouse dies, you lose a great many things from your life.

You lose companionship. You lose support. You lose encouragement. And you lose love. Loving someone and being loved. And there was nothing greater in the world than being loved by Aimee.

The biggest side-effect of all these combined losses is loneliness.

This smile could cure
almost any of life's ills

When I was married to Aimee, I could always rely on her when things got tough. I leaned on her for support, or encouragement, or simply comfort and understanding. But now I'm going through the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through, and I need her more than I ever have to help me through this.

But she obviously isn't there.

This amazing woman who small body housed a tremendous amount of love is no longer there for me at a time when I need her more than I ever have. In fact, there simply isn't anyone who I can lean on the same way I leaned on her. And not having someone there to comfort me the way she did actually magnifies the pain. At least before, there was comfort. Now there's nothing.

And the hardest part is that I can't do a damn thing about it.

I am truly blessed to have a strong circle of family and friends to love and support me. This is true, and it's been critical to my getting through this so far. But it's not even close to the same thing. No offense everyone, but none of you is Aimee. None of you loves me the same way she did. You may love me in your own (and valuable) ways, but it's not the same.

For example, I was laid off from my job two years ago. Friends and family were VERY supportive, and I got some great help and advice from many people. But no one comforted and supported me like Aimee did. She was, as she always was, amazing. When I would worry or get frustrated with my job search (which was blissfully short), she'd hug me and look up at me with her million-watt smile and tell me she knew I was doing the best job possible and that she trusted me and God to get us through this.

This trial I'm going through is difficult. I wish I had my Aimee here to help me.

I wish, I wish, I wish...