Monday, January 14, 2013

Rough week

It's been a rough week.

I came down with my first bout with the flu a week ago. Of course, that coincided with Donna being out of town for two weeks, so I didn't have the backup I would normally have available. So that left me feeling like hell and trying to take care of Rowan.

Then on Thursday, it was Rowan's turn to get sick.

Luckily for both of us, Rowan's bout of sickness hasn't been as bad as mine. As of this moment, she's in bed coughing up a storm, but overall she's been doing better than me (who's currently on the couch coughing up a storm). Regardless, taking care of a sick kid when you yourself are sick stinks.

After a week of being sick,
I FINALLY got the dishes done
But that's not all of it, really. Earlier tonight I gave her a bath. While she was in the tub, I got some work done that's been LONG over due in our extra bedroom/office. After I got her out of the tub and dried her off, I sent her off to get her her PJ's on. And then I just sat there in the bathroom, towel in my hand, head bowed, and felt so, so tired. Not just from being sick and taking care of Rowan, but from doing this by myself for the last year. I know I shouldn't complain, but man, sometimes it's hard.

In fact, it's damn hard.

It's hard doing all the work. It's hard being responsible all the time. It's hard taking care of Rowan emotionally and physically. It's hard working a full time job. It's hard not having someone take care of me for a while. It's hard doing the laundry, fixing the food, shopping for groceries, cold medicine, toilet paper, dog food, blah, blah, blah.

Don't misunderstand me. The hard part isn't really the doing of all the work. I can do it all, and I have. And I think overall I'm doing it pretty damn well.

But doing it alone is tiring, and lonely, and sad. I liked the companionship of running a family with Aimee. I liked the teamwork we had. I liked how we gave each other breaks, encouraged each other, supported each other. Loved each other.

That's the part that's hard. Missing that partnership, that camaraderie.

Missing Aimee.

5 comments:

  1. It will be hard for a long time to come Pat. When you have that companionship you and Aimee had. That in itself can NEVER be replaced. She was a loving supportive person, she always gave 100% in everything she did, that is who she was. Single parenting is hard very hard. You have so many people around you that are here for you, even if we are miles upon miles away. You will always have that support system.

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  2. I'd miss that too, my kids are a handful, even with two of us taking care of them. Do you have any extended family close by that can help you?

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    1. Normally Aimee's mom is close by and could help, but it just so happens she's been out of town.

      It's funny how you mention that kids are a handful even with two of you raising them. Aimee used to look at me and say, 'This is hard!I have no idea how single parents do this all by themselves." Well, when I get to heaven I'll tell her how.

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  3. Heather in WA stateJanuary 15, 2013 at 7:26 AM

    I witnessed my mother go through this when I was young. In addition to me, there was also my younger brother and her elderly mother that she had to care for, plus working outside the home to support our family. She never remarried, she didn't have the time or energy to date. I remember hearing my mother cry after I'd been put to bed at night, when she thought no one could hear. We really struggled, and there weren't the vast array of social services, support groups, and charities back then to help us. My mom had a college degree and refused to go on welfare, so she just muddled on and sacrificed. It was hard times, and I don't know how she did it alone.

    I hope that you continue to be able to ask for support from friends and family, even though you are more than capable of doing it all. I also hope that you find companionship again. It won't be the same, in fact it will likely be very emotionally complicated for all parties involved, but in the end I think it will bring some joy into your life that you so deserve.

    I've only had the flu once, and not only was it physically debilitating, but the fever made my mind go places I never want to go again. I hope you recover quickly!

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    1. It is astounding what some parents will sacrifice in order to care for their children (and sometimes parents or other loved ones). My mom also sacrificed a lot to raise us, though in different ways. I never appreciated it nearly as much as I should until I became a parent myself.

      Normally I get a lot of help from Aimee's mom, but she just happened to be out of town during all this. Not her fault. I know I'm extremely lucky that way. And between her giving me some breaks now and then and the advent of the internet matchmaking era, I feel pretty confident that I will meet someone at some point. You're right - it WILL be complicated, a heck of a lot more so than when I dated last. But I feel good about my chances of meeting someone wonderful some day.

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