Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Extremely pissed

OK, I have to let this out...

One subject I have stayed away from on this blog (for several reasons) is the "WHY" behind Aimee's death. Or maybe the HOW, as it were. And I have sure stayed the hell away from talking about the WHO. I have tried to stay out of a lot of anger, and kept the focus on more positive things. Most of the time that works. But let's face facts here, people.

Aimee's death did not need to happen.

Her death was not caused by some freak accident or act of God.

Rowan & Aimee test train whistles
the morning of Christmas, 2010
It was caused by a series of decisions made by other people. Some of those decisions, from my perspective, appear to have been sheer stupidity. Others were reckless, and the risks of those decisions known by those that made them.

Aimee was an innocent victim.

And she wasn't the only one.

As Christmas approaches, I can't help but wondering what this season is like for those people. I'll bet none of them are sad and depressed about a loved one they recently lost at someone else's hand. I'll bet they aren't consoling a small child missing her mommy in the midst of what should be one of the most fun, happy times of the year for a four year old. I'll bet they aren't staring at a stocking hung by the fireplace that is empty, and forever will be, because the person it belongs to is dead.

They're lucky. They're lucky they don't have to deal with the death of a wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend. And they're lucky that for various reasons, I have chosen not to dwell on them and what they did, and rather focus on where Aimee is now and how to be the best father I can to our daughter.

They're really damn lucky.

This month, they're probably going to holiday parties, and doing gift or ornament exchanges, and eating great food and spending time with family and friends. Maybe they'll sit by a fireplace and open presents from under a Christmas tree. They'll laugh, they'll have fun.

They'll enjoy the company of their loved ones.

Well, we're doing those things to. But we can't stop the tears from frequently coming when we remember that one of our loved ones is gone.

They screwed up, we're the ones being punished. They made the mistakes, we're the ones suffering the loss. We're told from an early age that life isn't fair. Well, it's not. Sometimes it's a downright bitch.

Have a merry fucking Christmas, you bastards.

I'd like to say more about how Aimee died, what happened, what caused it, and so on. But I can't. After almost a year, the final report from the Coast Guard is still not public, at least not last time I checked (about 6-8 weeks ago). Furthermore, I'm assuming (hoping) some sort of legal action is likely still pending, though I don't know for sure. Either way, I am simply not in a position to talk more about what happened out on that boat that day. As soon as I can, I will.


  1. I was wondering when this post would come! And believe me that countless others share your anger at the gross injustice of Aimee's untimely and thoroughly tragic death. And we're all waiting to see what justice will be done this side of heaven. Even though it can't be undone and no amount of money from or punishment of those responsible will make up for it, there would be some comfort in knowing that those responsible had some life-altering consequences...

    1. I agree, though I try not to focus on the legal outcomes at this point. You never know what will or won't happen, and I just can't get too hung up on what happens on that arena. After all, Aimee is still dead, so I need to build a life without her regardless of what else is going on in the world.

      And yes, I am aware that many others share in this anger. I hear from some of them form time to time...

  2. you have every right in the world to be ANGRY... how could you NOT be angry!! and honestly, i am good with you showing your anger here. i think we all get that "something" wrong happened that day (12/18/11) -- some negligence, or some disregard... some HUMAN ERROR! i would think some accountability (on their part!) would be appropriate. you all deserve some real answers. and i am guessing YOU have recourse for some type legal action (wrongful death?)... if so desired. when you do get some answers pat, i am hoping you are able to share them here as well. know that you all are still very much on my mind, and in my prayers... hoping you can find just a bit of Christmas joy and peace as the first anniversary of aimee's death approaches!

    1. Thanks Zelda. I am working very hard to create a great Christmas for Rowan, but it feels like I have this huge mountain I have to get over first (the anniversary). I'm just hoping it doesn't affect Rowan TOO much. Thankfully she's still so young that the specific day won't be a problem for her, but the season in general will be on and off. The date itself will probably hit her harder when she's older.

  3. I agree that "accident" is used far to often in our society to absolve people of responsibility. How many people die each year on the road in "accidents" because someone chose to drive drunk, text while driving, or speed through a red light because they were in a hurry? Every day innocents are taken by irresponsibles who continue on without a care. The injustice is disgusting, and I wish that we as a society would do more to hold people responsible for their behavior.

    This was really driven home for me last year when I served on a Jury and one lone Juror refused to find guilty a violent, career criminal. She felt sorry for him, that he should be forgiven, that what he did was simply a "mistake." I believe in forgiveness in a spiritual sense, but I also believe we should hold people accountable for their actions, thus encouraging people to be more considerate of others, instead of thinking only of themselves and what they can get away with.

    I pray for Rowan, and you and your family, but I also pray that those responsible for Aimee's death face the truth and resolve to do only good in this world in honor of the lives they destroyed.

    1. I couldn't have stated better what you said about forgiving, but still holding people accountable. So well said.

  4. Pat, I did not know Aimee long but I did know how much she loved her life, you and Rowan especially. The time will come for those to face their truth in this matter and we all pray it happens sooner than later. You have a great way of looking at your daughters life now, her lose is so great and it changed who she was meant to be due to others choices or failure of choices that day. Your loss too is beyond measure, that wonderful woman you chose to grow old with, have so many joyous life experiences with, was taken from you in such a wasteful way all because she trusted them to do what they should do on her adventure that day. We all pray for you, Rowan, her Mom,brother and sister in law, and everyone who loved her as a part of this journey called life. They may never face all that is due for their choices that day. Love of God we know is great but HE is also a just God and they all will answer to HIM one day. So much I could say but will say it in prayer as Aimee was a good loving giving woman and we can only wait for you to find justice in this world from this senseless loss.

    May God craddle you and all who feel this loss and help each deal with that in thee way only HE can give us.

  5. I failed to include in my last comment how great a job you are doing for Rowan in this whole loss. We all hope to have a spouse that in a death so unexpected that they would do all they could for the child. You are the greatest example of this and Aimee would be so proud of you. Keep going on, even say the angry things from time to time, that is all part of moving forward even when you don't want to. You have given us all who knew her a journey thru the pain and an amzing way with words as well.

    1. Thanks. I feel a deep responsibility to Rowan, but also to the woman who entrusted her to me. Aimee had faith in me. I feel like I ought to do all I can to earn it.