Monday, September 10, 2012

Back to Florida?

Someday, either I or Rowan may want
to revisit these waters off the coast
of Florida
Back in May, I was struggling with how I wanted to recognize the one year anniversary of Aimee's death, even though it was still about seven months away at the time. I wrote a post here (Dilemma - I'd like advice) asking what people thought of my idea, which was to go back to Florida, charter a boat to take me to the place where she died, and scatter flowers on the water there. This seemed to be how I felt led to recognize that event, but ultimately what I wanted or needed was a ceremonial act of closure. I felt like I needed to do something to 'finish this chapter' and begin the next one. And as of June and into July, I'd about 99% made up my mind that I was going to go.

Then in late July, as I was realizing how hard it would be and how incredibly powerful and symbolic it was going to feel to scatter Aimee's ashes (Letting go of Aimee... literally) it occurred to me that I would have that act of closure then, on that mountaintop. And the more I thought about how that was going to feel, the less I felt like I needed to go to Florida and recognize the anniversary of Aimee's death there.

To be certain, I will do something on December 18, and Rowan will be part of that. Others may be also. And I know that at some point in the future I may again feel the need to go back to Florida, or maybe when Rowan gets older she might want me to take her. I don't know. What I do know is that for now, I am no longer feeling the need to go there myself at this time (thankfully).

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3 comments:

  1. Yesi HerreraSeptember 10, 2012 at 11:22 AM

    Florida is just the place where it happened. We all grieve and have closure differently. Do what your heart inspires you to do, not what we think you should do. It's like you said, someday you might feel the need or the desire to return. It's just not today and that's ok. Some people like to go back to where they lost a loved one, others like myself, pray, and pray and pray some more. You'll have days when you wake up and can deal with it, and others where you are mad as hell and just lose it. Guess what? It's ok and its gonna happen. You know they say, Time heals all wounds, you know what I say? Liars, time doesnt heal the wound, it just makes it easier to live with. I pray for you and those around you. When we lose a loved one, it affects us all. ;) My thoughts and prayers are with you, just take it one day at a time, because tomorrow doesnt exist, all we have is today. P.S. You don't know me, but your sister is my boss, and she loves you. I can tell. Yesi

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    1. Pat RhoadsSeptember 10, 2012 at 10:38 PM

      "Time heals all wounds, you know what I say? Liars, time doesnt heal the wound, it just makes it easier to live with."

      Very true!

      Thanks for your nice comment. I appreciate it.

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  2. evaSeptember 10, 2012 at 11:45 AM

    Pat, I agree with Yesi.....going back on the one year anniversay, may be a way of dealing with the loss of such a great and wonderful person. I feel your delima, I myself have not yet been back to where my parents are laid to rest. Maybe going back and scattering flowers, ect, may help you some, just remember Aimee will always be with you, in your heart, and all around. It will be hard as hell for you, you might lose it, and cry, we all understand your pain. Maybe right now it might be alittle to much for Rowan, you be the judge of that. She is a smart little gal. And also remember, we will always support your decision.

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