|Aimee and Rowan walking |
and holding hands in Key West
Over the last week or so, she's starting shifting a lot. Several times now, Rowan has said, "I miss mommy." This is big because she used to never say that unprompted. Now she is. She's started talking about seeing mommy when she gets to heaven and "jumping onto mommy's cloud with her." Rowan has also talked about 'pulling mommy back down' from heaven so she could see mommy again. And then a couple of days ago, she pretended to do just that, and then asked me to pretend to be mommy so Rowan could talk to her. I obliged her, and it seemed to make her happy. (On a side note, I am used to pretending to be princes, kings, unicorns, pirates, mermaids, giants, Angry Birds and Piggies, and characters from any number of Nickelodeon Jr shows. But pretending to be Aimee was quite a stretch for me.)
Oh, and Rowan did the sweetest thing the other day. She saw a framed picture of the three of us (me, Rowan, and Aimee.) on a side table, and she walked over and kissed it. When I asked her what she was doing, she answered, "kissing mommy."
On the one hand, I'm happy to see Rowan progressing and starting to work through her loss outwardly. It's easier for me to discern what to do or say when Rowan's emotions are being manifested outwardly. On the other hand, it makes her sadness and grief more visible, which is heartbreaking for me to see. Seeing her tender, sweet little spirit so upset is wrenching for me, and it's hard not to get very angry that my little girl has to go through this. It is incredibly unfair that Aimee was taken from us.
And dammit, my little girl should not have to grow up without her amazing and incredible mother.