Monday, December 19, 2011

Rowan tries to understand

So far, Rowan has said two things that show me she is trying to understand the loss of her mommy.

Last night Caroline made spaghetti for dinner, which no one hardly touched (except Rowan, who hadn't eaten a thing all day). Rowan's been really into counting, and she counted the bowls of spaghetti on the table. After counting the five bowls that were there, she sais, "We're missing one for mommy." She didn't say it in a tone that meant we needed to add one, just that she noted the absence. All I could manage to say to her was "That's right honey. We don't have one for mommy."

The second one came this morning. She was talking to her "Ducky", a beloved stuffed animal of hers. Out of the blue she said to Ducky, "Mommy was in a boat and she drowned in the coean, and she won't be coming home." When I asked her about it (I don't recall what I said), she simply replied, "Yeah, I was just telling Ducky." It was said with an odd air of acceptance, not truly grief, but not flippant either.

Both instances were very hard for me. But I can't imagine what it must be like to be a 3 year old who just lost her mommy. Rowan and I are very very close, but nothing replaces the love of a mommy.


  1. My heart breaks for Rowan. I know she loved her mommy, and I know Aimee loved and adored Rowan. I am happy Row has her ducky to hopefully comfort her, I never saw her without it. I will miss Aimee forever, and I am sure Aimee will always be watching over her little bean.

  2. Pat, I'm so so sorry. There's really no appropriate words but I've been praying for you and your family all morning and will continue to do so. Rowan sounds like such a sweet and smart little girl...

  3. We don't know each other but your family was placed on my heart after learning of your loss. My prayers specifically go out to Rowan and her healing heart in the beautiful way only a child can process loss. It is precious for you to blog this process for her to read someday. My youngest was 3 1/2 when she learned of her father and I's divorce. Her process was incredible and includes drawings of all of us that actually chart her pain and acceptance. It's completely different from my then 6yo who could verbalize her specific hurt. Prayers for the two of you in such a difficult time.

  4. The Lord is blessing you with what you will need when you need it. Please call me if I can do anything to help. I am praying . . .
    Laurie Humphreys

  5. I know sweet (Rockin') Rowan from 11 AM preschool worship. She is a joy, and I am so very sad for your family's loss. I will be praying for you.

  6. Pat,
    Words don't seem to be enough at times like these. I pray that you, Rowan and family all feel enveloping arms and the warmth of prayer surrounding you during this turbulent time. My heart is aching for your loss.
    Warmest regards,
    Jean Hagyard

  7. With a child's faith, maybe Rowan senses that mommy is still with her, just in another place. Thanks for sharing Pat. Although nothing can replace mommy, you are one of the most nurturing men I've ever met. Stay tender. Much love, Marla

  8. Dear Pat and Rowan,
    Unfortunately you are right about how nothing can replace the love of your mommy, and your wife. Thankfully, you don't need to replace the love you know she still has for you from heaven. In the hard days and moments that lie ahead, try to remember, as only you can, how much she loves you both. For her love will be forever with you, until you see her again.
    If you need a hug, a play date, or a mommy to babysit please feel free to call or text, Pat. I will do anything I can to help ease the heartache. I remember that Rowan was just born before you took our wedding photos and I was blessed to meet your family briefly at Starbucks one evening as we went over the finished product. Rob and I are expecting our 2nd daughter in a few months, so as a newer mommy my heart goes out to you and your family. Anything at all, please, 253-223-9284