Rowan tries to understand

So far, Rowan has said two things that show me she is trying to understand the loss of her mommy.

Ducky

Last night Caroline made spaghetti for dinner, which no one hardly touched (except Rowan, who hadn't eaten a thing all day). Rowan's been really into counting, and she counted the bowls of spaghetti on the table. After counting the five bowls that were there, she sais, "We're missing one for mommy." She didn't say it in a tone that meant we needed to add one, just that she noted the absence. All I could manage to say to her was "That's right honey. We don't have one for mommy."

The second one came this morning. She was talking to her "Ducky", a beloved stuffed animal of hers. Out of the blue she said to Ducky, "Mommy was in a boat and she drowned in the coean, and she won't be coming home." When I asked her about it (I don't recall what I said), she simply replied, "Yeah, I was just telling Ducky." It was said with an odd air of acceptance, not truly grief, but not flippant either.

Both instances were very hard for me. But I can't imagine what it must be like to be a 3 year old who just lost her mommy. Rowan and I are very very close, but nothing replaces the love of a mommy.