For now, I plan to protect her privacy by not sharing a lot about her, including her name. For now, let's call her "Sandra". But here's what I will tell you:
It's going well.
Sandra is beautiful, smart, and funny. She is a very warm-hearted person doing speech therapy work in an elementary school. Sandra is fully aware of my situation: of how I lost Aimee, that I write this blog (she doesn't read it), and that I still have very close relationships with Aimee's surviving family members. In fact, she's very supportive of that. We've been together about six months now, and although it's still early, I am cautiously optimistic about where this might go.
I have also started to slowly introduce her and Rowan, with the three of us occasionally doing activities together. That part is really weird, because although I am used to being with her when it's just to two of us, adding Rowan into the dynamic feels like I'm betraying Aimee just a little somehow. Intellectually I know better, but it's still weird.
You see, when we're all together, I sometimes try to imagine a possible future where we're a family. And I see this analogy where our family was a three-piece puzzle, with each person - Aimee, Rowan, and I - were each one of the pieces. Together, our three pieces created an image of our family. Then one of those pieces was suddenly gone, and our family looked a lot different. It took some time, but I was able to reach a point of acceptance of how this new family image appeared. But now if I imagine Sandra's piece fitted in where Aimee's used to be, well now that's a whole new family image, and that one will take some getting used to (if we get to that point).
For now, I am enjoying getting to know her, and beginning to watch her and Rowan get to know each other. It's all a bit surreal, and weird, and fun, and sad, and many other things as well. But one thing I feel very sure about:
Aimee would want this. I have not a second's hesitation about that. Aimee would want us to move on, build new relationships, find love, and round out our beautiful family. Maybe Sandra is that piece, maybe not. But I know I am doing the right thing.
YAY PAT! This is great! I am so excited for you, and agree that Aimee would want it this way.
ReplyDeleteThis is Emily Thousand by the way, I don't use this Blogger account so my name looks funny.
Thanks Emily!
DeleteThat's great, Pat. I'm sure it has to be a bit strange, with lots of conflicting emotions (my mom went through that after my dad died and she started seeing someone), but it's great to hear you know Aimee would want this for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Josh. Yes, I am grateful for the assurance that Aimee would want us to move on, but there are times when it feels weird.
DeleteI'm so happy for you Pat, entering this next chapter of life. Yay!
ReplyDeleteThanks Heidi, I appreciate your support.
DeleteI agree Pat, Aimee was the type of person who would want you to move on. I wish the best for you, I hope that she will be good to you and Rowan both. At this point you both deserve to be happy. Keep us posted on the events of this new beginning for you all.
ReplyDeleteAn encouraging post for me to read. I, too, am in the place where I'm starting to date again and it certainly comes with its ups and downs. Wishing you all the best.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anne, and my best wishes as you begin to make the journey of dating again. I don't know about you and Joe, but Aimee and I actually did have a conversation (or a couple of them) about our wishes for the other if anything ever happened to one of us. Each of us insisted that we wanted to other to move on and eventually remarry, although Aimee said she's already been married twice and wasn't going for a round three if anything ever happened to me. I told her that she shouldn't let that stop her, that God created us to be in relationship, and that life is hard enough, better to have someone to walk the journey with you. Of course, we'll never know if she would've followed my advice on the matter.
DeleteCongratulations. I'm not quite ready yet. I thought maybe I was and while I enjoyed a few meetings, they were just that visits. Nothing special and I think that was largely because I'm not ready to seek anything more than casual company.
ReplyDeletePaul, I totally get it. We each do things at our own pace, and like my counselor says, there's no right or wrong amount of time to reach various milestones. It's individual to each person's grief process. You'll get there, I'm sure, when you're ready. And I think it's great that you've gone out and met a few people, even if you're not ready to date. It's all part of a process of moving forward, and it's the continuing to move that's important.
DeleteThis is really good news! Wishing you the best!
ReplyDelete